Just fell off a train. Bad.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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