So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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