my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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