Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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