My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
