If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
