Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize