the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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