The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
