The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
