Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize