okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
