hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
