Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
