i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
