I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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