check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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