I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize