Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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