the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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