Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
