Rock
Scissors
Fuck
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
