i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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