I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize