I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
