Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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