2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
false alarm. still invincible.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
