last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
