This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize