def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
