That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
