I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So vagazzling was a success
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
