they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
