So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
