I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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