My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The uberlube is also flammable
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
