thus making me awesome and them whores
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
