First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
