I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
