i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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