I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
