I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
