Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?

(1-212): View more from New York

idk but i think it had a face

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(609): View more from New Jersey

in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is

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(502): View more from Kentucky

guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?

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(440): View more from Ohio

thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.

(440): View more from Ohio

anything for my little brother.

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(719): View more from Colorado

I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something

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