drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
