I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
