if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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