I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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