I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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