I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
