dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
