i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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