dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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