My room smells like vodka and shame
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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