I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
