I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
