Kiss
Puke
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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