If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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