K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
