Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
