I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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