I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My hand turned me down
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
