You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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