I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
