I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
