'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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