Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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