he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
