I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
