I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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