what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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