Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Shame - the story of my life.
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