Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Found the puke drawer
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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