Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
