my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
