The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Congratulations! We have a period
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
