I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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