WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
