I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
