exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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