first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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