You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
