I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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