Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I will be naked everywhere
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize