He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
