im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
