I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
